There are a few kinds of Pastor’s kids, I was the stereotypical “rebellious” one.
I pushed every boundary set in front of me. I often think of my younger self and cringe at some of the illegal choices I made or dangerous situations I put myself in. Honestly, It gives me anxiety thinking about most of it.
You could say that I was an extremist, a thrill seeker, an addictive personality. I’m not proud of everything I’ve done, I’ve been the mean girl, been the cheater, been the abuser, and many a time been the ring leader with bad motives and just plain “up to no good”.
I always thought there was only one type of way to be a “Christian Woman”- and that was to be MEEK & QUIET.
Two things that are not in my genetic makeup.
I hit a turning point and felt like I *woke up* at 25 and was a new person with no direction. Like, “Who I am today, is not who I was yesterday, but who am I supposed to be?” Have you ever felt like that?
Right before being diagnosed with infertility, I had been praying for unshakeable patience. (Naturally, one YEARNS for patience after months of not getting those two coveted pink lines.)
After a short wait, a sweet couple CHOSE us & PLACED the life of their precious Baby into our once empty arms. We adopted our incredible Finley.
I thanked God over and over again.
Little did I know that He was still working on that answer to my prayer regarding said patience.
Our daughter was born prematurely and suffered a brain injury. We were told she could either:
1. Develop Typically
2. Never walk or talk
...and only TIME would tell.
*insert unshakeable patience*
During the 15 lonely & terrifying months leading up to our Daughter’s diagnosis, I was depressed. I remember amidst the unknown, I prayed for God to USE our story to help others. I thought if God uses it, it would surely make it easier. (I was so wrong!). This was supposed to be the happiest time in my life - yet my spirit was at an all time low. I didn’t know it then but I was being repurposed. All the “horrible traits” I had possessed were able to focus on a positive energy. I was still the SAME crazy girl, just given a new direction.
Being repurposed isn’t taking something old and making it new. It’s taking something that exists for a reason & refocusing the direction in which it’s meant to be.
Advocates HAVE to be thick-skinned “Ring Leaders”, you have to possess a level of hustle that is firmly planted in your being. You have to be devoted to it like it’s your addiction!
My transition to becoming the person God intends me has been tough and Lord knows I’ve got a ways to go 🙌🏼. If I try to picture it, it probably looked a lot like the scene where Ursula steals & transforms Ariel’s legs. I just picture a cloud of smoke and confusion around me... through all the pain, tears, and challenges He granted me grace. 😭
It’s by the grace of God that I am where I am today. I know they say hindsight is 20/20, but man when you’re going through it - it’s HARD.
My story is far from over, and so is yours. I BELIEVE that God will provide you the wishes of your heart- you just have to be willing to TRUST Him.
Did I know that all the horrible decisions I’ve made wouldn’t always define me? I hoped not.
Did I know that infertility and raising a child with special need would armor me with unshakeable patience?! HECK to the NO.
Did I know that starting a blog would lead to becoming one of the biggest Advocates in the Cerebral Palsy Community? That’d be a big fat NO.
Did I know that ALL OF THAT would be the Vessel in which God would use me? No.
I do not feel worthy. I am flawed. I am extremely far from what you’d picture a Godly woman to be.
I got to sit on a Panel of Christian Influencers last week, which doesn’t even make sense. How did that happen? I was blown away to learn that all of them were constantly being repurposed in their lives and this is something that will be ever changing.
On the Panel:
- Savanna Labrant- Youtube Family
- Yvette Henry- Youtube Family
- Heather Avis- Advocate + Author "The Lucky Few"
- Hanna Slyfox- Youtube Family
The emails I receive on a daily basis saying that our story has helped someone is EVERYTHING to me. It never hit me that this was GOD's purpose. I guess when you're in the middle of a battle you never stop to think, is this my purpose- you merely keep on fighting.