WAITING... WAITING... WAITING...
I started dating Josh in 2009, we met through mutual friends via MYSPACE. We fell in love, got married, and bought our first home. We were on your typical track of "what life should look like," but when Josh and I decided we were ready for baby, we hit a wall after TRYING for 15 months. And I mean trying: diets, schedules, charting, temping, tracking, supplements, massage, acupuncture, and I even gave up baths... People told me "not to stress" but that just made me stress about my stress. My father was killed in a HORRIFIC motorcycle accident amidst this time period. He and I were very close as he was always MY ROCK. His death shattered my world and put extra stress on my body. A few months after we buried him, we received news of Infertility.
Talk about a sobering series of events.
First round of fertility tests showed that I have LOW AMH levels, making it unlikely for us to conceive naturally and highly likelihood of miscarriages. This news was really hard, but we rallied and turned (almost immediately) to adoption. I remember sobbing on the phone with my mom, "I am broken, the part that makes me a woman doesn't work." I knew after grieving my dad that life was simply too short, and I could NOT spend it feeling sorry for myself. This was something we couldn't change. I told Josh, "I'm gonna give myself 24 hours to have a pity party and then we're going to move past this."
About two weeks later we were sitting in an attourney's office, starting the Domestic Adoption Process.
We were matched pretty quickly and couldn't wait for our baby to be born in September! In between Doctor's appointments with our daughter's birth-mother (Lex), I worked worked worked. On a drive home from working a beautiful JULY wedding in SD, I received news that Lex was leaking fluids. The entire drive to the hospital I was panicking over my clients and what was going to happen to them, my business was always on my mind. Finley was born 9 WEEKS early and weighed a miraculous 3.9 pounds. She was the most precious thing I've ever laid my eyes on and meeting her was the greatest single moment of my life. The moment I saw her in that little incubator I forgot about everything else, she was my world now. We didn't know if she would potentially have a disability and the Doctor said, "She could be fine, or she could never walk or talk. Only time will tell."