Buckle up to get OUT of your comfort zone. All of them.
You will be asked to reveal everything from your childhood experiences to your current health habits, and from your driving record to your credit score.
agency or attorney?
Finding an agency is your first obstacle, you cannot complete a home study through an attorney. You CAN complete a home study through the county, but in my experience it can take a little longer to get started. I recommend reaching out to LOCAL individuals you know who have adopted and asking for referrals of reputable agencies. If you are lost on which avenue you want to adopt through, DEFINITELY set up a consultation or attend an orientation to get an in-depth breakdown of what they each consist of. Every avenue will have its own set of pro’s and con’s- so you need to have the opportunity for one direction to pull on your heart strings. You’ll know, it’ll be a gut feeling.
foster or private
Once you’ve decided on this, then you’ll want to get going on your homestudy. The reason you want to determine this first is if you do FOSTER or “Resource Family” adoption, then you will not need to pay for majority of your home study. It’s an estimated $1200-$3000 cost in the state of California (especially if you have a pool and need to get a fence around it.) If you choose private adoption- either international or domestic- you will have less requirements and the home study is a little simpler, but you will also pay for all of it. So there are trade-offs. Either way, follow that gut! We’ve done both and honestly - both are SO WORTH IT in the end.
errands + homework
I joke that completing a home study is the ultimate combination of errands + homework, but it really is. I just tend to laugh at things that overwhelm me, call it my best coping mechanism. The home study is boiled down to these two task sheets: things to do and things to fill out. I would say the quickest you can complete a home study is about 3 months: it depends on your agency and how often they host the required adoption classes. Our agency offered one a month and there were 3 required classes. There were a few different checkmarks for PRIVATE adoption required:
reading/book reports
“Dear Birthmother” letter to our potential child’s expectant parent- this was super emotional.
I have friends who have adopted internationally and they say to add 1/3 to this list with requirements from the Country you’re adopting from.
the to-do list:
Complete Livescan Fingerprinting
Get Health Screen (Physical) with TB Test
Retrieve a signed Financial Release form from Bank
Print a copy of your last tax return
Have 3 friends each fill out a Referral form
Print out your DMV report
Get First Aid + CPR Certified
Attain a Water Safety Card
Prepare Home (ANOTHER LIST)
Email Family Photo for your Homestudy Packet
Attend 3 Training Classes
Complete 3 home visits with social worker, which include lengthy interviews that get VERY personal
the homework:
Adoption Application (3-5 pages)
Autobiographies (3-5 pages each)
SAFE Questions (3-5 pages each)
Child Desired Worksheet (3-5 pages)
Facility Sketch of Home Floor Plan
Emergency Disaster Plan
Out of State Criminal Record Disclosure
get copies of the following:
Marriage Certificate
Divorce Decrees
Death Certificate
Military Discharge Papers
Adoption Decrees of other Children
Auto Insurance
Home Owner or Renters Insurance
Driver’s Licenses
Animal Immunization Records
home check list:
Basically, have a safe home. All cleaning supplies/medicines need to be locked. If you have a second story you need to have an escape ladder. You need to have an earthquake/emergency kit, fire extinguisher, covered outlets, and your water heater turned down. If you have a pool you have to have a fence (NET is not acceptable in our counties) and door alarms. Your cars will also be checked and tested to insure they are safe.
interview / testing:
So, I wasn’t aware we were going to take tests and then our answers were going to be compared. This was mostly about our Childhood, Family, and lifestyle habits.
“How often do you drink alcohol a week? How often does your spouse?”
“Have you ever tried or been addicted to drugs? Has your spouse?”
“Have you ever been involved in domestic violence? Has your spouse?”
“Do you have any family members who have problems with alcohol?”
“Have you ever been fired from a job?”
These sorts of questions. You also will be asked to talk - in depth- about any traumas you’ve experienced, death in the family, work history, and criminal history. It’s pretty invasive, but I understand the need for this. They want to make sure you’re ready to deal with the trauma of the child who will be entering your home. If you can openly discuss your own trauma- then you are more likely going to be able to openly communicate your child through their traumas. Plus, they want to make sure you’re mentally prepared to handle raising a chid thats experienced trauma.
my best advice:
Take a trip to staples and get highlighters, paperclips, 3 folders.
Do not get overwhelmed, just take it one checkmark at a time.
Try to make EACH STEP as FUN as possible and DOCUMENT IT! THIS is your paper pregnancy. The adoption classes can become date nights and so can the certification classes. Josh and I went and got our fingerprints done and then went on a lunch date! The process is grueling & can take a toll on you if you don't spice up the process. We even had a little wine while we did our bio’s- it makes it a little more easy to dig deep into some of those psychoanalytical questions. We did the same thing when we had our friends over to do the referrals- which I highly recommending doing all together because that way you can leave with one whole checkmark done in YOUR hands. (Giving it to people to take home and mail back is like asking someone to send back a wedding RSVP on time LOL. Save yourself the stress, just have them do it at your house.)
CHILD DESIRED WORKSHEET:
This is a packet you can fill out from “absolutely” to “absolutely not” and “willing to discuss” : the categories include everything you can think of.
KNOWN ALLERGIES,
SLEEP PROBLEMS,
SKIN COLOR, ETC.
I wanted to address this specifically. I encourage you to be as “willing to discuss” as possible. I want you to trust that if God brought you to this chapter in your life- you need to leave as much to His Control as you can. I understand that this really is none of my business, but I speak from experience. Finley is one of the greatest things to happen to us. We adopted her as a newborn- so the “child desired” worksheet was more about Race + Religion of birth parents: which we had NO specifications about. We were open to any and all. (Go figure Finley ended up looking like she could biologically be ours- lol). I do not know that if we were given the option on that paperwork that we would have willingly said “Yep! Give us a child with Special Needs!” and I am just being honest. What I do know is- I cannot imagine our life without her and we are SO GRATEFUL to be her parents and raise a warrior. So, even if it scares you- be as open as possible. The more stipulations you have, the longer your wait will likely be.
celebrate
Starting a home study can be CHALLENGING and it should be celebrated! You are ONE STEP closer to completing you family. I highly recommend taking a picture and writing how you feel in that moment. We did this with our Adoption of Finley and the Twins. I can’t wait to read it to them one day when they can understand it. You’ll never regret having more pictures of the process, believe me. I also know that sharing about it can be hard, but it can also be the inspiration someone needs to pursue adoption. I’m a huge advocate of sharing, but I understand that there is often so much loss tied into the pursuit of adoption. Share as you feel comfortable. I believe with my whole heart that when you’re open about your experiences it can be 100% therapeutic. It also allows people the opportunity to grant you grace through a perspective they may not ever understand. Either way, I’m excited for you!! ADOPTION IS AMAZING and let me be the first to congratulate you on getting the process going- it will be one of the BEST + HARDEST things you’ve ever done- and SO WORTH IT.
All my love + gratitude,
Christina